The Smile

when I see someone
sometimes I smile
with my mouth and eyes

the rest of me is
knotting
forgotten
ignored
thumping away at the walls
screaming in pictures of forests.

Picking the glowing petals
one
by one
feel the caring
and the calm river flow
like pulling tears and opening worlds
spring sparkling rain
still asleep

---


For example

like sitting on a bus
he's her hard city wall
a life support bubble
made of her flowers, her tears
and her shining heart

I'm the enemy
she shoots me
through the hollow metal of his indifference

his arm can't feel her touch
he's thinking of something else
(I could never figure out what)
and her instincts chase him down there
across fields and fields

perhaps we'll meet on the other side
outside possession

---

To a man

 this isn't....
a letter to you
or
an apology

it's trying to leave that behind.

something made me afraid of chaos
of being revealed
thinking
that if i'd ever cry
i was on my own

i spent years
not 'earning' to dance with you
hoping in someone else's worn out dream

wasting time

selling myself off

so this isn't an explanation
for you

it's nothing impressive at all
just remembering how to cry
learning to scream
for myself

---

Who are you anyway?

I sat there

lost before we began
hoping to pick up a thread in poetry

she came in
more definately lost
than i was
both outside your concrete circle

we could've pushed it all away
danced
discussed the laughter of flowers

but your dismissal locked off the poetry

so
who are you
to talk of sharing and reaching hearts?

---

 The 'incompetence' of joy

I saw your eyes
unsure
you felt the cold stares
of the boys on the front table
which said: "Perform"

you just smiled
swinging

you must've written those words
at two o'clock in the morning
when everything felt imminent

the serious musicians clap
charitably
at folded arms length
not letting the 'incompetence' of joy touch them

big buildings to knock down.

---

Rape

...is telling you

"you should be ashamed"
you feeling ashamed

you not being able to share your fears
feeling afraid

...is bulldozing carcasses
...is being able to tell people what to do
is them
'wanting' to do it

...is killing hope and ideals

scissors cutting skin.

---

 about Helen Thomas